How To Date A Woman With A Self-Harming Past – KitschMix
There are things about dating a woman who has self-harmed that are a . allowed to see new cuts, your self-harming partner really trusts you. I feel quite conflicted about this because I am interested in dating! this too far in advance, since there is a stigma around depression and self-harm. As for your cutting scars and when to mention them to new men, you're. Having self-harm scars and dating can bring about very personal questions about your scars. Learn some ways to answer those questions.
Self-Injury & Relationships
When my boyfriend and I first started dating he found it strange that I wore long-sleeved tops in summertime, and would wear a towel right to the edge of the swimming pool. He thought it was odd that I wore long sleeved gloves to my prom, and wouldn't take them off, even for the finger-food. Having scars, and sometimes fresh wounds on my body can be a pain and a hassle, but can also be awkward to brush off. There's only so many times you can say the cat scratched you, before people start to dig deeper.
Until I met my boyfriend I found it very hard to accept my body for what it was. He continually told me I was beautiful, and that even if I had issues with my body, he didn't. When we started talking about having sex together, I started to panic about showing him my scars. I have unsightly marks all down my ribs and thighs, along my forearms, and on my ankles.
All places that are really easy to cover up normally, but in the bedroom - not so easy.
It was time to come cleanto tell him I am a self-harmer. It didn't change how he felt about me, but it did put a little strain on our relationship at first.
He wasn't sure whether it was okay to go near the scars, he was very protective of me suddenly, and God-forbid anyone make a joke about self harmers in our presence. It was a strange and different side to him I'd never seen before. We chatted for hours about why and how and where and every other question he could think of, and I tried to answer each and everyone honestly.
It hurts him when I self harm, I know that, but I know it hurts him more when I won't tell him I've done it. He'd rather I tell him, than him finding out in bed.
At first it felt really awkward going up to him and trying to tell him what I'd just done, and I think he too found it hard to know what to do or say, but sometimes it's not about the words. The right answer for you will vary depending on a whole host of factors, including your self-harm history, where you are in self-harm recoveryand your partner's familiarity with self-harm. Ultimately, the decision is up to you. You are in control of your own narrative and there is no obligation on your part to do things one way or the other.
If you are having trouble with answering questions about your self-harm scars and dating, however, here are some general guidelines that I find to be helpful. This does not mean that those people are bad people or not worth our time. There are many reasons someone might not choose to date someone with self-harm scars, most of which are not related to vanity.
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The good news is, a lot of people — especially casual partners — will not mind the scars too much. We want love, respect, and trust. We almost expect to get hurt, which can be good or bad, depending on whether you plan to hurt us or not.
Women who self-harm often do it as a form of release, a way to mask emotional pain by supplementing with physical pain. Sometimes this coping mechanism continues throughout our lives, in different ways. When I first started self-harming, for example, I would mainly hit myself or pull my hair. As I grew older, I began cutting and experimenting with drugs.
After the drugs, I started making myself throw up.
Self-Harm Scars and Dating, Sex and Intimacy | HealthyPlace
Eventually, it progressed to enticing my abusive partner to cut me, and later to challenging her to hit me. It just takes diligence and an understanding partner. Not everyone self-harms in the same ways.