Tips for losing my virginity via online hookup - sex | Ask MetaFilter
Can't have sex because I'm a virgin and can't lose my virginity . hey there! if you just want sex, then try adult dating sites! you don't even have. Before I tell you the 6 month plan I had to lose my virginity, you need to What many call “the most shallow dating site” or “the hook-up site,” I. I went on Tinder to date. That's not a euphemism. By "date," I meant real dates: Eating ice cream while walking through Central Park and.
I stayed on tinder and cut down the guys from 20 or 30 to 5. That way I could keep them thinking about me and I could learn exactly what I needed to about sex. I needed a new plan.
I researched birth controls and cheap ways to get it. I landed on Planned Parenthood and made myself an appointment and got it for a good price. I watched porn every night. Kinky, romantic, and just plain fucking. I watched the girls and wanted to mirror exactly what they did, not matter how good or bad it felt for them.
I read books and articles on losing your virginity, psyched myself out every time, but I wanted to know what it was going to be like, I needed to know. I learned sex positions, imagining a guy telling me how he wanted to fuck me and I would have no idea what to do.
I needed to pop my own cherry. There was no way I was going to let any guy know that he was taking my virginity. But I was persistent. Every time I tried to put it in, I pictured the porn I saw, the porn that really made me wet. Finally, I pictured my 16 year old sister, my cousins ages 20, 14, and 13, all with boyfriends or girlfriends.
And then there was me. My blood boiled and my adrenaline started pumping and I shoved it in and I had to muffle my scream because it hurt so badly. I went to the store and bought a box of condoms. I had learned the sex moves, kicked my ass into shape, popped my cherry, and learned to talk dirty. I had 4 of my original 5 guys left practically begging to fuck me. I started sending them Snapchats and they progressively got pretty dirty.
And by pretty dirty, I mean raunchy and vulgar. I had to pick one to fuck first. His girlfriend had recently broken up with him and he constantly sent me Snapchats or texts saying that I was hot and asking how I was doing. Usually I turned the conversations dirty. I decided that 4 was the one that I wanted to lose my virginity to. One day I went to work with a packed bag…mostly full of condoms, kinky sex toys he had told me about a fantasy he had where the girl was controlling himand lingerie.
I texted him saying he should meet me at a motel at midnight. He said he had plans to go to New York for the night with his friends. In that moment, I felt rejected, humiliated, and ashamed. My blood was boiling. Before I knew it, I was home from work loading on tanning lotion, makeup, nail polish, and sending Snapchats to 3 so he could have a little preview. I threw on a coat and walked out my door at midnight.
He lived a half hour away. I stood in the cold for about 10 minutes before he finally let me in. He told me to come in quietly because his family was upstairs sleeping. I started walking down the stairs and I only got half way before he had his hands around my waist and pinned me against the wall. I climbed on top of him and we started feverishly making out. His hands were all over my body and it only took about 30 seconds before he was slapping my ass and stuck his fingers in my vagina.
He pulled my underwear off and put on a condom and before I knew it I was wearing nothing but my black heels and my legs were around his shoulders and he stuck it in. He liked doggy style, so we did it for a while, but then he wanted head. Man, did he love that.
He came in my mouth and I asked if he was going to get hard again. He put on another condom and went at me again doggy style, except the first time he missed and it went in my ass. That hurt like hell, to say the least. So I gave him head while he fingered me. Found my underwear, threw on my clothes and coat and he walked me to the door.
Just like that, my virginity was gone. I had been waiting for this moment and thinking about it over and over again every single day.
Got plans to see 1 on Friday and to fuck 2 on Saturday. I was way too tightly wound to hook up the normal way. Luckily, im gay and casual sex is possibly what we do best aside from throwing theme parties and quoting the golden girls. Well, if you were free I was hoping we could get together, you know - something low key, maybe watch a movie or something.
And you put your arm around her. And then you make out. Anyway, I was am? And I'm not ashamed of what I did. And you shouldn't be either. Be calm, be respectful, be a good listener and a good communicator, be prepared, and most of all: As for which resource to use - facebook might not be a bad bet. It isn't as tainted as, say, craigslist in terms of "meatmarket-ness. No offense but your question makes you seem to be a bit naive about sex.
Many students at your school are most likely sexually active even if it is not a party school, and the comment about the lack of hot women just sounds like sour grapes plus as Sidhedevil said the idea that people on a casual hookup site would be more attractive on average than any group of random college-aged people is dubious. I disagree with some others that have said having your first time in a casual situation will necessarily be terrible or that virginity is always worth saving for the right person, because in the grand scheme of things even an awkward and regrettable first time is probably not a big deal.
I do think you possibly aren't coming into this with the right attitude though and you may want to think about what you actually want out of sex and what kinds of relationships you want to have in your life. Also, two major things that you do definitely want to worry about when it comes to sex are pregnancy and STDs. A condom is only going to protect you so far in both of those areas so keep that in mind.
That way, at least there will be no expectations from you other than "have you got x dollars? Also, if you're angry about being put in the classification of "people like you," refer to above where you unilaterally discount all the women at your school, and then realize that's how it feels.
But - most importantly - find a way to do that and still be careful. You don't know who you are meeting when you set up a meeting like that. I would use a Google Voice number and an email address you set up especially for this communication, and I'd probably look a little bit away from where I actually lived.
I would meet that person in a public place first, again a ways away from your regular routine, and I'd see what kind of feeling I got from them - if it is okay, I'd proceed to a hotel that I had picked out, and I wouldn't go back to someone else's place or their choice of hotel if you can help it.
And use protection for the actual sex. Yes, that sounds uber cautious, maybe I have seen too many SVU episodes or read too many news stories, but you want to be smart about your own safety especially if you are intending to put yourself in a vulnerable position naked and having sex. For one thing, if your partner is more experienced than you which they most likely will be if they are cruising online for hookups, and you're a heterosexual guyshe will know.
And think less of you for not just saying so from the beginning. Or if for some reason she doesn't figure it out, she'll just think you're a bad lay. Maybe none of this matters to you because you don't care at all about your potential sexual partner's feelings or enjoyment.
If that's the case, you need to seriously question your own motives, because that's a shitty way to behave to another person. Except to a professional sex worker, who expects only to be paid promptly and in full, to be treated with basic civility, and to have their boundaries respected.
OP, if what you want is to get your rocks off and you don't care about the other person's enjoyment, maybe a professional is the best bet. Just be polite to them, as you are or should be to the person who cuts your hair or cleans your teeth.
Also, if you want to verse yourself is normal, adult sex "culture" a bit, check out Dan Savage's podcast series. Yes, some of the questions are out there, but most of it is very vanilla, very regular. Normal people asking normal questions. Some more normal than others. And I'm sure I've heard your scenario there before. In that case, I feel like Dan said to hire a pro and treat her well.
My first advice to you would be to relax; sex will happen sooner or later. In my experience, the more you worry about it, the less likely it is to happen. Just chill out and do whatever it is you do, and sooner or later someone will pop up who wants to have sex with you, even if you've spent no effort at all to find them.
It's one of those weird natural laws. But, if you feel that you must have sex right now, with someone, it's really a pretty easy thing to do. Craigslist is an easy option, but be aware that finding a sexual partner that way is akin to screening potential roommates; you're going to get a shit-ton more weirdos answering your ad than people you'd actually like to bed down with.
If you're in a college town, you can probably find a house party to go to on any given weekend. You're probably in a class or two with girls who'd like to get down, too; is getting into a study group an option?
Athletic activities of any kind are often a solid bet for meeting people, too, with the added benefits that they are good for you, and tend to foster a sort of 'esprit de corps' For me it was capoeira. Lastly, I find it hard to believe that on a college campus pretty much anywhere "most of the girls around [there] aren't that hot anyway," and that that is such an impediment to you that you'd rather just have sex with a stranger you met online.
If only a 'hot' girl is going to flip your switch, maybe you've set your sights too high. That kind of 'waiting for the perfect person' attitude will probably keep you from having sex with anyone, forever, and is kind of lame besides.
And be safe about it, no matter what you do. I can understand where you're coming from- sometimes, sex can start to seem like such a Big Deal that you just want to get it over with and leave the Virgin Club behind forever.
The thing is, sex isn't some kind of magical act that transforms you into the kind of person who has sex all the time. It's just another kind of intimacy you have with another person, another thing to do with someone you think is hot when you get naked together. What exactly are you trying to get out of this?
What do you want your life to look like on the other side? My guess is that if you make this happen, you'll still be in basically the same situation you're in right now- kind of lonely, frustrated with the social scene at your school, and not having sex.
You may have marked "Had sex, one time" off your life to-do list, but that's just the beginning! You need to remember that you're playing the long game, here. People expect a certain level of idiocy from freshmen boys when it comes to sex and relationships, but that shit gets less cute when you're older and the girls you're going after know a little better. I'm worried that if you start down this path, divorcing the act of sex from the process of developing a relationship with someone that leads to sex, you'll be back on AskMe in 5 years wondering why all of your friends have hot awesome girlfriends and you can't get a date.
There are a million questions on this site from guys asking how to flirt with girls, how to get girls to go out with them, how to sustain a relationship- go read them. Being good in bed is all about learning what this individual person likes, and I think that can take a lot of time and trust to learn, especially if you're dealing with people and especially with young women who might be shy or bashful about it.
Apologies if sexual prowess is not in fact a factor for you in this. Saying your subsequent sex life will be irreparably damaged by the wrong choice now, or hired help is 'really not the best thing for your development into a good sexual partner' just ain't right imho.
You clearly want to get the virginity thing out the way, it's getting you down, so go ahead. Of course real relationships are much more fun and much more difficult, but you'll find that out in due course.
I don't necessarily agree with them, but it really depends on your motivation. Why do you want to lose your virginity badly enough to stage a random hookup? Is it performance anxiety?
Feeling like you're too old to be a virgin? In these cases I would be wary of rejecting everybody's advice. It would suck to do it and then regret it because you realized you were making this decision for people other than yourself. So I suggest you really think about this.
Things to Consider Before Losing Your Virginity | LoveToKnow
However, I'm going to assume based on your post that your reasons are coming from you, internally, that you don't care about 'making it special' and you just want to get laid. Firstly, if you are looking for a craigslist hookup, you should probably lower your attractiveness standards. Getting hot women to sleep with you probably isn't going to happen over the internet without some substantial effort involved on your part.
If that isn't what you want, I would suggest hiring a professional. If you are interested in something intermediate between a hookup and a traditional date, I might third the suggestion of trying OKcupid. You'll get to look at a fair number of women, but the stakes are pretty low in terms of talking to people and rejection. If you have a good connection with somebody, you might want to sleep with them even more which is a nice bonus.
In terms of what to say, I would definitely tell them that you are a virgin. You can put this in your profile or wait until you're talking to somebody, up to you, but do make sure to communicate it. That will take a lot of the pressure off you to perform, and you won't have to be second-guessing yourself "Does she know?
Hopefully this will let you enjoy it more. Also, I think you'll be more successful if you can show an honest desire to make a good sexual partner. Good partners, for example, care about the sexual pleasure of both parties and not only themselves. If you have a fantasy that involves pleasing a partner, mention it wanting to go down on a girl, get her off multiple times, whatever.
If you make it all about you, nobody is going to care because they don't know you. You should at least try to establish something that vaguely resembles a shadow of a traditional relationship, even if you put the entire thing together over the course of a single evening "a movie or something low-key," like jph mentions.
Foreplay matters, and you should at least pretend to know and like the person that you're fucking. If you're going this route, it's very, very important that the girl understands that you're being shallow, and that the sex is not some sort of DTR.
Also; rape is bad; know your boundaries; no means NO. This route also enables the possibility of a real relationship to form around the sex, should the two of you end up enjoying sleeping with each other.
Work on figuring out how to make women want to sleep with you, even if it's only for a casual hookup it's not terribly difficult! Moral issues aside, I think that you're setting yourself up for some really bad and unfulfilling sex that might not even happen.
I'm a homo, so this advice might not be valid for your instance. I'll also use this small text to vent about the fact that almost everything has become some sort of innuendo for sex.
I Had A 6-Month Plan To Lose My Virginity, Here’s How It Went | Thought Catalog
Sometimes I really just want to watch a damn movie! You have to go out, to parties and events and extracurricular things, meet people and risk rejection asking girls out. If you're already doing this and it isn't helping, it might be because the attitude you express here anonymously " Odds are that you, at age 19, aren't "that hot" either. Perhaps your expectations are based on media portrayals and objectification, rather than acknowledging women as human beings just like you.
Try taking a step back and try to get to know some women as friends, and perhaps one or two as girlfriends, without worrying about the getting laid part. Now, about the online sites in particular: Here are the risks: Someone you know who's on the site looking over someone's shoulder, or for a laugh will recognize you and humiliate you by sharing the knowledge. So if you do this, remember you're posting your personal information and relationship-seeking status for the world to see.
There's no backsies on that. You will be interacting with women who can -- and will -- reject you without a moment's thought.
Want to know what it's like to be objectified? Be a profile on a dating site. In the habit of objectifying people already? A dating site will feel nice and comfy to you. This will not get you used to rejection in the real world, which is a necessity if you want to succeed in the real world.
If you get out there, take a few risks, ask a few girls out, you might not get laid -- but you might make some girl friends who will end up helping you learn more about yourself, improve the way you dress, get rid of some bad habits, get a better haircut, and so on.
Nothing helps you be superficially attractive to women like having women tell you how badly you suck, and how to fix those things. Online dating is not going to help you get this kind of feedback, unless you meet people often and without the goal of just getting laid and moving on, so you'll never be close enough for them to help you with your faults.
Online dating is a legitimate source of relationship starters for a lot of people, but You're just learning how to be an adult. You can't even drink yet. You are not going to meet women who are more "hot" than your local girls online, because you're competing with all the other guys who can jump on to OKCupid et al, and why would they be impressed with your year-old ass unless you have something in common with them? Something beyond OKCupid, I mean.
Or lie about it. But then you might as well lie about the whole thing: I mean, she will probably know you're not a regular casanova, but whether it's your first or your tenth time is not going to be apparent.
Also — as others have said, 19 is NOT old. Lots of girls in your class year are certainly also virgins. And of the men and women who are not virgins, the vast majority of them are still pretty inexperienced and will be awkwardly fumbling they way through things. These are things, by the way, I wish someone had told me when I was As others have also said, this one-off chance encounter will not be very satisfying, and quite possibly embarrassing, and you won't learn anything from it.
I'm not saying don't do it because it's morally wrong, or that it's going to be damaging to your emotional development, or any such reason. Do it if you really want. I'm just saying, I don't think it's going to accomplish what you think it's going to accomplish. There will be women who are turned on by the notion of taking someone's virginity, and if you're straightforward about your lack of experience, then theoretically your partner will be ready to adjust to that right away. Don't jump at the first offer of sex.
Go on a date or two first, check the person out, stay in public the first few times you meet her. Make sure a friend knows where you are and how long you plan to be out. Arrange to stay in contact with that friend sporadically throughout the night. Hopefully all of those precautions will be unnecessary and therefore will feel very silly to have done. You'd rather feel silly than get in trouble. If, during that process, you decide this potential partner isn't right for some reason, trust your gut.
There will be other opportunities and other partners, and your instinct is your best friend. Err on the side of personal and emotional caution. Once you do meet someone with whom you'd like to continue, talk to her about what she wants as well as what you want. You'll find the experience enhanced if both of you are pleasing each other. Be open and receptive, listen as well as talk.
Don't let your preconceived notions of what sex is supposed to be prevent you from exploring your sexuality or hers.
Things to Consider Before Losing Your Virginity
It's ok if you try something and it doesn't work for you; it's less fun to want to try something but be afraid to. That future girlfriends will think it's creepy. I dated a guy who lost his virginity this way. I was brainwashed in Catholic school so I might be preachy about this but I think that when you get with someone, you're getting busy with them and all of their previous partners.
So I'm dating this guy and things are going well and I had to make the choice whether to get busy with him and random internet person. Do you want to put your future partners in that position? Again, I might be too preachy but I felt like he didn't respect himself or me. He didn't care about himself enough to wait to lose his virginity to someone he cared about and I could be replaced on Craigslist. Also, for what it's worth, before I saw lost-my-virginity-to-a-stranger guy, I dated a 25 year old virgin.
While I thought 25 year old virgin took sex way too seriously, I'll admit that I had a little more respect for him because he had respect for himself. Finally, the 1 property you are looking for in a first-time sex partner is hotness? Are you Jonah Hill? I'm a woman who lost her virginity freshman year of college quite purposefully with someone who was not boyfriend material. That said, I think you'll have a whole lot more luck if you back away from some of these stereotypes.
At best, they make you sound really naive. At worst, they could make you sound like a bit of a pig. Do you think that you'll only find casual sex with women who are drunk? Do you think that the women at "party schools" are just easy? See, this doesn't make you look good. I have no doubt that there are plenty of attractive women at your school, but I don't even know why "hotness" is relevant. C'mon, are you looking for casual sex or prom date?
I actually suspect that you said this because you're too nervous to try with anyone at your school. But rejecting all the women en masse as not being up to your high standards makes you sound like a jerk who takes out his insecurities on other people. That said, you very well may find someone by advertising for a casual encounter. If you just want to "get it over with," it's not the worst idea ever. Whether it will satisfy whatever you expect from "losing your virginity" is not exactly a guarantee, though.
Look, penis-in-vagina sex is a whole different sensation and you've got a lot invested in the experience and you're likely to come involuntarily, very fast, and awkwardly. If your hookup isn't aware of your inexperience, it would not be unusual for her to be disappointed, annoyed, or nice-but-pitying.
If you do disclose your inexperience, you're going to attract some respondents who are more into power-games than sex, and may even assume you're role-playing.
This may not be the sort of sexual dynamic that you're after. That fantasy ideal of a hot stranger who will patiently initiate you into the marvelous world of fucking with no strings isn't impossible, but Or a professional, as mentioned upthread.
Be an interesting person. Go out and do things. Do you think there isn't anyone around who will want to date you? Or that they don't want to go out with you, because you are The Virgin? That your life will change in a huge way because you've had sex? Maybe you should reconsider your feelings about this. Otherwise you might go through with it all and just be right back where you started.
My 2 cents, is that getting to know someone you like, awkwardly undressing each other, fumbling around in a dark room trying to kiss each other is by far a much more rewarding experience. Having sex for the sake of not being a virgin anymore just makes it about the act, which is not nearly as much fun or as exciting. It's guaranteed that you're going to be completely terrible.
Speaking as someone who for a while had the nickname "Virgin Killer", it's been my experience that most virgin men can't even tell if they're in or not. They start thrusting away, and you have to say "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but you would probably enjoy this a lot more if you were actually, you know, IN.
So yeah, either pay for a sex worker, or adjust your expectations and wait until you find someone you can have an actual relationship with. I sure wasn't looking for "traditional relationship" the first few times I got laid; if I had, I probably would have stayed a virgin even longer than I did. There's nothing wrong in my world, at least with getting laid your first time or first few times any which way you can -- it can be really tough to get over the hump so to speakand I think most people understand that people are sometimes willing to do some pretty extreme things to do so.
You'll be happier if you figure out how to connect with people and find happiness where you are than you will be if you have a thousand random hookups. But still, like I said above, sometimes you just have to find a way to end the dry spell, and you can figure out how to find long term happiness somewhere down the road.