7 Smart Dating Tips from Modern Matchmakers | StyleCaster
rules too! If you want to date smarter, keep these ten rules in mind. But, usually, I advise my female clients to hold out at least past the first date. Give him a Do not assume you are in an exclusive relationship. Yes, that. You are here: Home» Date Smarter, Not Harder women seeking closure in dating relationships dating advice. Women tend to act confused. Dating from a place of anger doesn't usually lead to good choices. Don't skip the counseling sessions — they will help tremendously down the.
Your romantic success has nothing to do with your mental jewelry and everything to do with how you make the other person feel. And making someone feel a certain way is a somewhat nonlinear process that requires a different kind of mastery than that of calculus or Shakespeare.
In other words, you need to earn love or at least lust. Sadly, no mom, dad or professor teaches us about the power of the well-placed compliment or put-downgiving attention but not too much attention, being caring without being needy. I wrote a whole page book about that, so that's a story for a different day. You don't feel like a fully-realized sexual being and therefore don't act like one. At some point in your life, you got pegged as a smart person. From then on, that was your principal identity: Especially if you had a sibling who was better looking than you, in which case she or he was The Pretty One.
Now you could be absolutely stunning in which case you're both smart AND pretty and everyone hates you except for me -- call me, like, immediatelybut your identity is still bound up in being The Smart One. So maybe you dress frumpy and don't pay a lot of attention to your appearance.
Or never bothered to cultivate your sensuality as a woman. Or your sexual aggression as a male. Attracting a partner is all about the dance of polarity.
Energy flows between positive and negative electrodes, anode and cathode, magnetic north and south. Unless you actually convey femininity as a woman or masculinity as a man, you're not going to attract a suitable companion of the opposite sex.
Part of the issue is this: When all of your personal energy is concentrated in the head, it never gets a chance to trickle down to the heart, or, god forbid, the groin. By virtue of being born of the union of male and female, yang and yin, you are a sexual being.
Now do what you need to do to perpetuate the race already. Use what mama amoeba gave you. That brings us to You're exceptionally talented at getting in the way of your own romantic success. Here's an incontrovertible fact: Every one of your ancestors survived to reproductive age and got it on at least once with a member of the opposite sex.
All the way back to Homo erectus. And even further back to Australopithecus. And even further back to monkeys, to lizards, to the first amphibian that crawled out of the slime, the fish that preceded that amphibian, the worm before the fish and the amoeba that preceded the worm. And you, YOU, in the year C.
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Perhaps you should consider thinking a little less then. Because heaven knows that the amoeba, worm, fish, amphibian, monkey and primitive hominids didn't do a whole lot of thinking. Their DNA had a vested interest in perpetuating itself, so it made sure that happened.
Turns out your DNA works the same way, too. And maybe when you're really sloshed at a party and your whole frontal lobe is on vacation in the outer rings of Saturn, you've noticed that your lizard brain knows exactly how to grab that cute girl by the waist for a twirl on the dance floor.
Or knows exactly how to arch your back, flip your hair and glance at that handsome hunk just so such that he comes on over to say hi.
To put it plainly, you are programmed to reproduce. Now quit thinking you're smarter than the 3 billion base pairs in your genome and 4 billion years of evolution. Actually, just stop thinking altogether. Let the program do its work.
By virtue or vice of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect. Let's say by "smart" we mean "in the top 5 percent of the population in terms of intelligence and education.
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And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement. Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95 percent of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5 percent of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful million or so people. Even if only 1 percent of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there.
Still, that's less than 1 in 5, people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.
At this point, you have three choices: My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship and perhaps all of life is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be percent perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't. The first date does not have to be formal. In fact, the more informal it is, the more comfortable you may feel. This helps the other person open up to you. You might not be able to figure out who they are either.
I know men will ding me for this and say it does not matter to them. And there are times when it may not matter that much if a man truly likes you. But, most men want to feel that a woman is selective about who she is intimate with sexually.
This is a double standard. I tell them this is not necessarily the case. Like men, women can and often do things outside of their norm when they are strongly attracted to someone. But, usually, I advise my female clients to hold out at least past the first date. Give him a chance to get to know you outside the bedroom. And give yourself a chance to know him without complicating things with sex. Intimacy starts with what happens between you when you are not in bed, and this builds a better bedroom experience.
They like the chase and pursuit of going after a woman. Women are usually the same way. If you like a man, usually you are ready to settle in with them. But for men, the more work they have to put into the chase and seduction, the more value they attach to the woman. Which is why I suggest you hang back and let a man take the lead. Often, if a man is interested in you, he will step up to the plate and work harder to woo you.
Figure out your communication preference. We live in the digital media era. Sometimes this is great, but when dating because texting and direct messaging have no tonality, good relationships can end before they have an opportunity to even start.
And this comes down to miscommunication and misunderstandings about communication. There are many choices available to you as far as communication. Texting, instant messaging, FaceTime, using social media, email, direct messaging and the list goes on and on.
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If you are dating someone, let them know what your preference is for communication. Also, find out theirs. Then you can determine the happy medium that works for both of you. Make sure you include face-to-face or over the phone communication, it puts things communicated to one another in a better context. Ethnic barriers matter less. Ethnicity in dating partners has become less important than personal preference. This means you can pay attention to compatibility, which is what really matters.
Opposites attract, but like-minded individuals last longer together.
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Now that people all over the globe interact with one another more, we are learning how much we all have in common which can supersede our differences. In selecting a mate, you need not be hampered by the old rules like dating someone of the same culture, religion, or race.